"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him." -John Piper
Ever notice how the right time, the right conversation and the right people can bring an unidentified feeling or mood to the surface and you find yourself naming something that you knew was there but couldn't quite put your finger on? I found myself confessing to a friend recently that I was dissatisfied and discontent. Saying it out loud felt good, but at the same time I now had to face what my emotions had been storing up inside.
Could I blame it all on a job that doesn't seem very fulfilling? Was I guilty of comparing my life with friends on Facebook? At church? The kind of comparing that leads to wishful thinking and seeing greener pastures on the other side of the fence. If I went to that church, my ministry might be noticed and needed more. I wonder what it would be like to have a husband who...No, I didn't think so, although I know I'm very capable of comparing myself to others.
After further scrutiny I believe the disscontent was fueled by a longing to see my life counting in ways I think are worthy and what I think fruit should look like. I had raised a heartfelt cry to be about the business of the Kingdom in ways that would yield more tangible results. Results of the kind that end up in a ministry newsletter or get broadcasted through a testimony at church. What was happening through my life that I could even write home about?
Never One to let an opportunity pass , the Father began to direct my moping into prayers from my heart that yearned for His presence even more than evidence of His work within and through me. As if He had pivoted the control wand to open my heart's window blind, I began to see slat -sized amounts of His light shining through.
Like what happened later in the week at a work luncheon I attended. I was seated at a table with people I didn't know. The conversation flitted through various trivial topics and landed on recent tragedies our community had suffered. I added a small detail no one else knew about a seeming coincident that had happened which prevented even further grief and I tagged the information as a God-thing. Immediately, someone began to tell us about a God-sized thing that had happened in her life. We were now engaged in sharing God -sightings. Could it be a small off-hand comment had been breathed on by His Spirit?
The next day at work I listened to a radio program. The host of the show was interviewing, Mitch Kruse, one of my favorite Godly authors, whose wisdom has inspired me often. He said that as he gets older he realizes how great his need for God is, not just to save him, but to be his Enough. Only Christ can satisfy our desires, and yet we have a tendency to say I need Christ plus... or I need Christ minus...Mitch prays, "Holy Spirit, you are Enough for me." We have been made to find our ultimate joy, when we are fully satisfied in Him. That was it! The prayer my heart was needing to express. That's where I want to be. When I get that, I will be involved in what Mitch called my 'ultimate value' of bringing His joy to others. Could it be that the Father was speaking very specifically into my situation just when I needed it?!
The next morning as I climbed into the car to leave for work, I realized my umbrella had been lifted off the floor of the garage where I had left it sprawled out to dry the night before, folded neatly and laid within reach on the passenger's seat, ready to serve me in the rainy day that lay ahead. Could it be that the Father was showing His kindness to me through a thoughtful, tender husband? Kindness on a day I needed to not only know He loved me in this place of neediness, but to feel it and see it through a simple act of love.
Since the blind was opened, I sense a new expectancy. The Father is working in and around me and I know there will be more reasons to rejoice as I discover how Enough He is. I am looking for the reasons and praying my heart continues to search for His heart even more than His hand at work.
In keeping with the eternal theme He seems to bring me back to, I anticipate a future day coming when He'll grasp the cord of the blind and lift it completely, showing me the full Glory of God in the face of Christ. What a day that will be!
What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I will see,
When I look upon His face,
The one who saved me by his grace.
When he takes me by the hand
and leads me to the promised land.
What a day, glorious day that will be.
Until then may we all find our satisfaction in Him.