Draw Me, Lord!

Psalm 119:32 (AMP)
I will [not merely walk, but] run the way of Your commandments, when You give me a heart that is willing.

John 6:44
“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them up at the last day.

A childhood book that still evokes fond memories and warm smiles is, Heidi.  How majestic the mountains she lived on, how cantankerous and ill-mannered her grandfather, and how enchanting her relationship with Peter, the goat herder/ playmate.  When forced to move and live with relatives in an urban setting, Heidi, takes to sleepwalking during her difficult adjustment.  All eventually fares well for her, but for some reason the sleepwalking incidents always come to mind when I think of this story.  Maybe it was my first introduction to this disturbing condition and I remember the danger it brought to Heidi's life.

I don't sleepwalk, but I do dissociate in other ways.  How many times have I auto-piloted through my daily morning routine of fixing breakfast, gathering keys and purse, walking out the door, backing the car from the garage, driving away and then not being able to remember if I had pressed the garage door remote and made sure the door had scored it's touchdown to the driveway?  So instead of taking the turn to exit the subdivision I circle back through the neighborhood just to drive by the old homestead and make sure the hatch is indeed buttoned down. I wave again at the kids still waiting for the school bus as I head out for the second time.

You know, that happens with my relationship with God at times.  I'm not taking him for granted or bored with a routine, I just find myself distracted and my mind elsewhere.  It shows up when I read verses from my Bible and realize I have no idea what I've just read.  Or  I say words in prayer but don't remember who I had started out praying for.  I go through the motions because it's habitual, but I'm not heart -engaged.  Or it's like my lips kissing back my husband's kiss, but my eyes never leaving the book I'm so engrossed in reading.

I know it's true.  Without the Father drawing me, stirring up my willingness, I will merely walk the way of his commandments; missing out on running.  Running is intense, heart quickening.  It's eagerness to get to the prize and commitment to keep reaching for more.  A phrase from an hymn comes to mind, "prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love".

Keep nudging me, Holy Spirit.  Wake me up when I'm spiritually sleeping and may I fix my thoughts on Jesus, ever more intently. Heb. 3:1 NIV
(From the Strong's NIV Concordance: Fix- to pay attention, notice, observe; consider, contemplate; this word has a strong implication that the attention paid is intense, and the contemplation is broad and thorough, resuting in complete understanding)