Longing For More

The books or the music in which we thought ‘the beauty’ was located will betray us if we trust in them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing…For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited…Do what they will, then, we remain conscious of a desire which no natural happiness will satisfy.

 C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, Theology (1941) 3-4

The trunk was full. Coming back from the local seed and garden company, I had succumbed to buying more plants and seeds than I had planned for. The buckets, flats and packets held promise of turning into beautiful buds and pods.My mouth watered anticipating the flavorful dishes I would cook with pizazz from the little start of savory leaves I would attach to the soil prepared for planting. 

My garden plot will give them a home where they can flourish and grow. I can provide water and protection from herbivorous animals, but the Creator will awaken the life within each seed and cause it to mature into what He has designed it to be. I can feel the longing as I finger the dirt. It will be there when I see the new young shoots pop through the ground. And I will feel the awe when I harvest the handsome fruit and taste its freshness. This is what gives beauty now; what will it be like to see the Creator's hands and what he's prepared that no eye or ear has ever seen before?

How quickly satisfaction from natural happiness can slide into disappointment as we experience losses or others prove unfaithful! Without the eternal perspective we are left making the most of what we have left, and sinking further into doubt and cynicism.  A friend shared sadly, how 'the beauty' in an exciting new life's experience was being stretched and pulled into directions that felt threatening and destructive. It was a good reminder, he concluded, that no matter how satisfying is the thing that brings us natural happiness, happiness doesn't come from others, or our circumstances, but from within and knowing Who our identity is with. As believers, we have hope that can never be taken away and the promise of a perfect future where the longing will become reality and the happiness won't fade or spoil.

I listened to a sermon by Lysa TerKeurst this week that encourages believers to keep our thoughts on what our Creator says about us and not let our insecurities define us.  We are new creatures, heaven bound and Spirit enabled.

Listen to what she says.

I felt the longing this week listening to worship music; someday I'll be singing with angels. Nursing a cold in my unhealthy body and feeling the crown of a tooth pop off in my mouth; someday I'll have a new body never sick or decaying. Reading the good report from a missionary in another country; I'm wanting now to be about my Father's business and seeing his kingdom come on earth. 

While reading in Luke this week, I noticed the numerous times Jesus drew aside to pray, or prayed all night. If he needed that to stay connected to his father, how much more do we need to be with our father in prayer? We will long more, the more we taste of and draw near to the Lover of our souls.

What makes you aware of that longing? That nothing in this world is satisfying enough? That we were made for so much more? May we hear those whispers, feel his jealous longing for our love, and allow the disappointments and sorrows of this life to be reminders of our temporary stay, and where our final destination lies. 

Finally Home

By Don Wyrtzen

When engulfed by the terror of the tempestuous sea,
Unknown waves before you roll;
At the end of doubt and peril is eternity,
Though fear and conflict seize your soul.

But just think of stepping on shore-And finding it Heaven!
Of touching a hand-And finding it God's!
Of breathing new air-And finding it celestial!
Of waking up in glory-And finding it home!

When surrounded by the blackness of the darkest night,
O how lonely death can be;
At the end of this long tunnel is a shining light,
For death is swallowed up in victory!

But just think of stepping on shore-And finding it Heaven!
Of touching a hand-And finding it God's!
Of breathing new air-And finding it celestial!
Of waking up in glory-And finding it home!

Mother's Day Thoughts

 

 Mother's Day! Do you look forward to it or dread it? I've found the day to be:  Joyful. Disappointing. Sad. Inspiring. Challenging. Honoring. Lonely. Uncertain. Depressing. Satisfying... depending on the year, the circumstances, what the Mom relationship was like on that certain day in May, my mood...so to all those mothers who wonder what this mother's day will hold, I share the following tribute to mothers I found embed in a blog somewhere, and find it so encompassing and encouraging. I have identified with more than one of these categories of mothers, as life changes and seasons pass.

Don't miss the thanks I express at the end of this post to those who are connected to me through motherhood. 

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.


THANK YOU!

To my Mom -
Thank you for living your authentic, God- fearing life with courage and passion, teaching me that a mother's love continues, no matter what children do or don't do. You taught me to trust in the God you knew personally, and were desperately dependent on. When I see you again, on the other side, I have more to thank you for as my appreciation for you grows, and I have better ways to say it, as I wasn't always good at that when you were here. Thank you for praying for me! I love you.

To Mom Doris-
You were the mother-in-law who lived close by, mentored me with your wisdom, deposited Godliness and love of life into my kids, and even though you've moved out of town and the stroke impairs our phone conversations, I feel your love and prayers and will always be grateful for our years together. You were a passionate learner and teacher; I have been privileged to be your student. Thank you for praying for me! I love you.

To Mom Elaine-
You are the mother-in-law, you shows me acceptance, hospitality, family togetherness and a passion to share the Good News with those you love. Your love to me is unconditional. Thank you for welcoming me into your family. Thank you for praying for me! My love for you is growing.

To Mom Lena-
As step mom, you have given me care, friendliness and the assurance that my Dad is well cared for and flourishing in your love. Residing 300+ miles apart, we don't see each other very often, but when we're together, your warm hospitality and some common interests and hobbies have strengthened our connection. You fit into our family ways with quiet grace and support. Thank you for praying for me! My love for you is growing.

Thank you, Josh, Jodi and Austin for loving me, and showing me forgiveness, friendship, and fun times when we're together. You've embraced the God of your fathers and have become so much more than I could have planned or imagined for you. Your lives are precious gifts to me and nothing else on earth compares to being your mom and having you in my life. I am proud to be your mom.  I love you so much!  Thank you for multiplying the love through your sweet, sweet children and your wonderful mates.

Thank you, Dan and Amanda, for expanding my blessing of children to love and share life with.  You have always been gracious and respectful and I appreciate the times we share together.  Your friendship, along with your mates, is special. I am rich with the grandchildren you've added to our family. I love you.

Father, thank you for creating family. Thank you for the wonderful plan that allows woman to birth new life. You teach us how to love and what it means to belong. Thank you for the blessings I've received through mothers and through being a mother. You have done all things well. 

Random Things

bits and pieces of my week...


we're trying to sell a car,
the ad produced lots of emails,
a few calls, sudden interest,
the ignition of hopes,
the brakes of 'no thanks',
the new owner still waits to come forward

i had a fleeting thought of how increased contact,
could produce a feeling of importance or popularity,
how someone in the limelight of fanfare,
might forget the fickleness of human desire.

so i prayed for those Christians, well known, who
seek to honor their Creator
as their creation is lauded and accepted.

Maybe this ties in a bit with the speech given by
Daniel Charles, food and agricultural correspondent for National Public Radio,
at graduation at the college i work for,
listen to what he says about authenticity...

"...And you know what? Most of the time, when somebody tells me that they heard me on the radio, the next thing they say is, they can’t actually remember what I was talking about. If we were talking face to face, I think they would remember.

This is what technology does. The radio or the Internet magnifies my voice incredibly, but it also changes the quality of the communication and you completely lose any sense of a personal relationship.
Now think about conversations that happen by means of your favorite screen: Your cell phone or your iPad or whatever. How authentic are those conversations or the relationships that you create through that form of communication? What are those relationships like?

How much of you gets communicated through text messages? To put it another way, how real is the version of the world that you encounter through that screen?

These are tricky questions, and I’m not even going to try to answer them today. I will just leave you with a few ideas to stimulate your own thinking.

I’m part of a church that’s small enough that we’ve never needed an amplifier. We call it House Church, even though we don’t meet in each other’s living rooms anymore. But we stick with the name, in part, I think because we want to act like we’re still meeting in houses.

I think it does make a difference that we don’t speak through loudspeakers. I have a feeling – I can’t prove it – that when we’re talking in our normal voices, the way you would around the dinner table, we’re a little less likely to say things because that’s what we’re expected to say in church. I think we’re a little more likely to say what we really think, to be authentic.

Or think about music. It’s a totally different experience, when someone is standing here singing, or there’s an orchestra playing, compared to when we’re listening to a recording. From a recording, we expect unnatural perfection; there’s no drama, no uncertainty about what might happen next.

I’m not saying stop listening to iPods or the radio. I’m not saying stop going to any church with a microphone and loudspeakers or stop looking up things on your iPad. Technology is amazing and wonderful and useful.
What I am saying is: Don’t use it to replace actual life with something that’s endlessly entertaining and always at our fingertips, but less authentic.

What I wish for you is the same as what my parents wished for me. This authenticity I’m talking about is connected to values that they treasured – values that also are at the heart of the religious tradition that built this college: humility, honesty, community.

Those are values to live by, even today – especially today.
So cook a meal. Have your neighbors over for dinner. In fact, make that dinner a regular tradition. Plant a garden. Make it a community garden. Sing a song. Play an instrument. Paint.  Use that iPad to make your own movie. Build a life that’s true and real."

speech




passing a few Canadian geese on the side of the road,
not too exciting until,
they decide to step into my path,
wanting to avoid a fowl collision
i brake hard and just miss the back end of
an ascending bird above my windshield,
as well as miss his companions who
change course just in time to miss my car wheel

i praise in thankfulness that it is was just
a close encounter


making a doodle picture with a grandson
hanging his rendition of a
super bunny on
my refrigerator door

inspiration for the week...
readings in the gospel of Luke,

this video clip found on Randy Alcorn's blog,
a 77 year old man returns to witness the
ongoing harvest of seeds he sowed as a missionary
years earlier
The Peace Child Still Lives!

praying on the courthouse lawn
of my hometown
with other believers on
National Day of Prayer

i am grateful for God's goodness and faithfulness.

get ready, get set, it's a new week
there are works prepared for us to do,
people to love on and pray for
and always His presence to comfort,
teach, forgive, and provide...

Faith That Overcomes

There were several of them this week. Nights when Sleep wouldn't respond to me or my body, no matter how much we begged or pleaded for it to come near. Perhaps it stayed afar because it couldn't overcome the skirmishes of Worry battling Reason. Maybe it had turned it's back to me after I refused to succumb to it's sweet touch on my eyelids, because I pushed it aside to turn one more electronic page.

I rummaged through the sleep aids, trying to find the right combination to silence thoughts and invoke relaxation. Would the sleepy time tea coupled with a Bible verse or two do the trick? Or praying for missionaries while breathing deeply? Surely, meditating on the names of God while wearing the warm rice pack around my neck would fill me with peace.

Been there? Sometimes I can identify the struggle and other times there is no clue as to why Insomnia is winning. This week I was stressed with work concerns, an overactive conscience trying to make me bow to the enemy's accusations, and fear/worry about a relationship that wasn't cooperating with my wishes.

My faithful Father was always there. I felt his love and closeness in the sleeplessness. His gentle thoughts came as arrows piercing the worry, and his truth eventually stilled the roars of condemnation. By week's end, he was restoring my soul once again.

I love his methods of restoration as the week progressed. The gift of a long, refreshing night of sleep. A good strong cup of joe with girlfriends who know and yet still love me. A day of compliments, even over little things like the shoes I wore or the way I fixed my hair--I had to smile up at him at the end of that day and receive it as his pleasure over me. The morning I walked into the kitchen and found a chocolate candy bar on the counter with a love note from my husband.

The Saturday morning meeting felt like an intrusion on a perfectly sunny, finally, warm day of spring, but it ended up being another method he used to spread his banner of love over me. The overseer of our church was visiting and he shared a word on overcoming in our inner spaces. Why are we surprised when tests and trials come into our lives?  They are promised by this wise Father who knows they will make us stronger in faith as we learn to trust him and learn how to fight the enemy. He identified different kinds of trials and how knowing their sources will help us overcome.

Chastening:
Jesus learned obedience through suffering. We should expect to experience this tempering also. "It is important to understand that the purpose of chastening it to bring us back to the Lord, not to distance us from Him. In fact, chastening is actually a signal of His love for us. It can change us for the good and bring wisdom to us.  The problems we face are not always problems to be solved.  Some problems are God's way of teaching us. These are the dealings of God transforming us into the image of Christ."

Temptations:
"Here, then, is one of the great and precious truths about temptation. Temptation is not designed to make us fall. [It] is designed to make us stronger and better men and women. Temptation is not designed to make us sinners. It is designed to make us good.  We may fail in the test, but we are not meant to.  We are meant to emerge stronger and finer.  In one sense temptation is not so much the penalty of being a man; it is the glory of being a man." - William Barclay.

"No temptation has come your way that is too hard for flesh and blood to bear. But God can be trusted not to allow you to suffer any temptation beyond your powers of endurance. He will see to it that every temptation has a way out, so that it will never be impossible for you to bear it." 1Cor. 10:13.

Warfare with the devil:
"For our fight is not against any physical enemy: it is against organizations and powers that are spiritual. We are up against the unseen power that controls this dark world, and spiritual agents from the very headquarters of evil". Eph. 6:12. 
God will give us wisdom to know when our struggle is demonic and how to do combat.

Wrestling with Self:
He used the passage in Romans 7 about how the apostle Paul describes the war he faced with battling his sinfulness within and striving to serve God. A wretched situation.  Our speaker said he once became angry that Paul asks the question, "Who will set me free?", without giving us an answer of what to do.  Then he saw the next phrase was the answer-"Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" The answer wasn't how, but Who. We allow Christ to change us and stay available to his work in us. Like an artist forming a vessel on the potter's wheel, we form to the pressure his thumbs in us.  Paul goes on to say that this battle of sinful desire versus God desire will always exist, but there is NO CONDEMNATION for believers! We focus on Him, He brings the change in us, and in the meantime we are free from blame or disapproval. How freeing to walk in His favor, no matter what.

Persecution:
Criticism. "We cannot expect those to approve of us whom we condemn by our testimony against their favorite sins."

Trials of Faith:
Doubts may be part of the process, to bring us to more faith. 

A new week has dawned.  Isn't it good to know that no matter what happens, our God will never leave us, and that his plans and purposes will prevail in us? In spite of our hurts, habits and hangups. In fact because of them, his glory can be displayed, as we are transformed by his Spirit within us.

You are so good to me, Daddy. I love you. Thank you for being patient with me and that your mercies are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness!

Marriage Has No Mirage

All routes led to Tulsa.

The son of the mantra, "It will all work out, no worries", began the journey to the airport in Google Map time calculations, allowing no buffers for the ensuing traffic delays.  Fortunately,  he and his girl had a chauffeured commute so they could begin stripping belts and jackets enroute, hoping to shave off minutes from STA stringency.  Bolting from the car, as it braked at the terminal, they bounded O.J. style towards the front of any lines, now chanting, "Excuse me, please, my plane leaves in 10 minutes". No worries, they made the flight just before the planes' doors folded in behind them.

The daughter checked and rechecked luggage to make certain sippy cups were in their easy-to-reach pouches, enough outfits were packed per day and activity, hairspray and lotion were stationed in their proper zip-lock baggie, and little boys had enough distractions to keep them happy during flights and layovers. During one of the flights, stormy weather bounced their plane beyond her comfort level. With eyes closed and fists clenched, she had to smile as the excited four year old voice besides her exclaimed how this was "just like a fun roller coaster ride, mommy!"

The parents boarded two different trains to arrive in Chicago and then a direct flight to the Gathering in Tulsa. Weather issues delayed the flight by 90 minutes, making us the last members to arrive and missing the first meal together. But we were all safe and sound and together and prepared to get Son number one married and off to a new start of family.

As our nation tries to navigate through the tempestuous pathways surrounding and intersecting with the definition and understanding of marriage, witnessing Son and Woman declaring their intent to enter this sacred union was like standing on a street corner in a noisy hub of arguing traffic and shouting that our God is the same yesterday, today and forever and His word never changes. We came together to celebrate this mysterious merger, this divine design. This is how it is stated in Ephesians 5: 31&32:

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church."

This event was our purpose and focus for the Gathering, but there was more to add to the trip's delight. Son in Tulsa let all 8 of us travelers stay in his modest sized house with his two daughters. The abode bulged with bodies and bustle as we shared catching-up chats, played Uno with the youngest generation, dandled the daughter's 2 year old on our knee and watched out for the safety of Neo, the ever present Maltese, amidst all the shuffle. I was reminded of days gone by, when brothers were impatient with sister for hogging bathroom time with long showers, and the line up for phone use was as long as the cord it was attached to. All that practice of patience was now paying off, as adults graciously took short showers and shared the bathroom mirror. No more waiting for phones, however, as everyone using their personal cells for everything from trading addresses for GPS, to sharing goofy camera pictures, to taking turns in 'Words With Friends'.

Perhaps it was a taste of heaven, this family loving and togetherness. Though our dwellings there may be spacious mansions, our fellowship will be close and intimate. I want times of being squished close together on the sofa, of wrestling together, limbs entwined on the floor, and sitting elbow-to-elbow at the table tearing pieces off the same pound of shaved lunch meat.
 

To belly laugh at silly antics and talk above the music of guitars strumming with voices singing worship songs. (Son of 'no worries' serenaded us with just this kind of background sound).  But most of all we'll be with the One who brought us all together by his blood and sacrifice and the gaiety will reflect perfect love, fulfillment and joy for eternity! The Marriage we've all been preparing for and anticipating.

No matter what sets itself up to mimic this magnificent mystery, will then be exposed as only an impish imposter. 

Even so come, our Bridegroom!

Amazing Beauty

With feet propped up on the cute footstool, I surveyed the cozy room my friends and I were lounging in. From the repainted metal vase sprouting tasteful silk flowers on a wall, to the simple, elegant stenciling motif wrapping the room chair-rail height, I admired our hostess's  eye for beauty and balance.  Conversation perched briefly on frivolous topics or lurched into weightier matters like politics and world view.  Someone suggested we each share where in the world we'd like to visit,  if time and money were no concern.  Seeing more of the good 'ole USA was mentioned, as well as Australia and Nova Scotia.

I remembered the stirring I felt when viewing a video on Randy Alcorn's blog that week. My wishful resolve to see the wonder he had posted made my response to the travel question an easy answer.
Here's what the blog says about the Iguazu Falls:


"The Iguazu Falls are located on the border between Brazil and Argentina and are on every list of natural wonders of the world. The word iguazu means “big water.” This is a colossal understatement. The Iguazu Falls contain 275 waterfalls along a mile and a half of the Iguazu River. They are stunning. Imagine seeing and hearing 20 Niagara Falls at once. Every second 400,000 gallons of water leap over the edge, sending mist 500 feet into the air. If you stand next to the falls, you feel like you are waterskiing behind a jet. Amazing. The Iguazu Falls provide an overwhelming experience. "

You can see a video of this awesome beauty of our Creator that so moved me here.

What else captivated me with it's beauty this week? Here's the list I came up with:

The silver blue eyes of a friend I sat across from last night
Sound of a bird's spring song
Faces of grandchildren who made a surprise visit to my work place
Colorful, fresh vegetables decorating the salad I made for lunch
A quiet, cozy spot in front of a sunny window in the library that beckoned me to sit and read (if only I could have complied!)
Strong breezes pushing me forward, then resisting me as I walked
A red ball of sun making it's entrance into the morning
Reading these words on the screen at church this morning--....staying right at the center of God's love, keeping your arms open and outstretched, ready for the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ.  This is the unending life, the real life! Jude 21.

What beautiful things have you experienced lately? There are too many days where life feels rushed or harried and I miss the details of beauty. But we have an awesome Creator who has beauty-filled the world around us with breath-taking grandeur, in little things as well as big, and through all our senses as we live in His presence and love.

Thank you, thank you, Father.

Words Fitly Spoken

The dressing room is private, but not sound proof. The bantering between clothes changers and those who waited for them added an element of recreation to my dress hunting mission. A young and playful voice spoke from the room next to me, ping-ponging questions and comments to "Grammy" and, I'm guessing, a younger cousin seated on a bench close by.  Grammy sounded fun and her opinions sought and  valued. Without seeing the voice of my fitting room neighbor, her tone and topics conjured up an older teen, positive and teasing, and I smiled at her kind and clever sense of humor.

A few stalls farther away from me another voice caught my attention. This I surmised to be an older woman.  She was quick to judge appearances, too this, or not enough that and this makes me look like___fill in the blank. She gave commands to whoever was outside her door to fetch another size or to make sure not to get another one of those.

How our words give us away, I reflected, as I quietly left my changing session. If I would have given a running account of my thoughts as I tugged on tight bodices and wiggled through unzipped crevices, what would you have surmised about me?

Deep inside the little book of Ephesians, there's a verse that arrests my attention.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Eph. 4:29.

Avoiding unwholesome, I might have under control most of the time, but what about helpful for building up, tailor made to their needs and giving them a gift with my delivery of words? It happens most when I listen mostly, hearing their needs and caring, wanting to extend kindness. 

Reading the gospels and concentrating just on the words Jesus spoke and how and when he said them, would be a speech course worth signing up. As I read the story of Christ's death and resurrection this weekend, I was impressed by the kindness in his words to his mother and to John as he hung in agony on the cross. He tells a dear friend to care for his widowed mother. My mother heart feels the tenderness Mary must have experienced as she heard those words. In the throes of grief, Jesus' words would have been a priceless gift to her.

Simon Peter knew the depths of regret and self loathing as he cursed and renounced, Jesus, the Master and Friend, he loved dearly.  Fear had gripped him in the moment. We sorrow with him.  There are no words of rebuke from Jesus, yet there must have been a wondering, and awkwardness in Peter 's heart as he sees Jesus after his resurrection. He understood forgiveness or he would not have stayed with the group of believers. His sin could have driven him to despair and hopelessness. But Peter grieves, yet counts on grace for himself and from the other disciples. 

Later, on the shore, the risen Lord asks three times for Peter to respond to him with a declaration of love, each time assuring Peter of how he is needed and the place where he belongs in Christ's kingdom. Peter's wound of failure is still tender, and Peter is upset that Jesus pushes against the hurt. Maybe Peter wanted to forget the past. He knew he loved Jesus; why did Jesus keep asking? Perhaps Jesus was insulating Peter from future doubt about how things stood between them.  Or doubt that he was good enough to serve in the Kingdom. Peter's repeated confession of love brought things to the open. Resolutions that bring our hearts to restoration and peace are harder to question later on, if they have been spoken aloud and others have heard. I don't know for sure what Jesus was accomplishing in that encounter, but that he singled Peter out and spoke so personally of their relationship and spoke prophetically to him the same number of  times as Peter had denied him, affirms again that Jesus cares deeply and speaks what is necessary and beneficial for us to hear.

Do you need to know Jesus cares about how things are between you? He freely forgives your sins, sees your longing to be fully restored and wants to clear the air with you, so you don't need to wonder if he loves you less or if you love him less. Confess your love for him, openly. His love never ends and his good purposes for you won't be thwarted. That's how complete his forgiveness is. 

Father, teach me more about your love. May my speech reflect our love for each other. Teach me what to say and how to say it. Let me build others up and give gifts of tenderness and kindness from my tongue. When I grieve you, help me to recognize and confess my sin. I will declare my love for you, and I pray you let nothing stand between us.